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Where I unleash fury at a troll

August 26, 2011

There was an anonymous commenter on a guest post I made that struck me especially close to home. It insinuated that I was a horrible father, an absent husband, and, basically, a fraud. This comment was deleted, and as I run through the comment in my mind, I realize, more & more, that it was likely only a troll (I refuse to believe anyone who knows me personally would be so mean and/or cowardly do something behind a veil of anonymity at a stranger’s blog). But, it still stings – and, me being me, I can’t just easily let it go.

So fuck you, anonymous commenter.

Fatherhood is far from easy. I don’t want to be heading to work at 6am in the fucking morning every Monday morning so that I can avoid a late-night video conference later in the week, but I do it to keep more time with the kids.

I don’t want to give up sleep and at 4:00 in the morning, or workout over lunch (and then eat on the go), but I do, to keep more time with my family.

My picture of “perfect” never involved working all day, grocery shopping on the way home, making dinner, eating (which, as most every reader of this blog knows, with kids the age that I have them, is 90% “keeping the kids from injuring themselves”), bathing the kids, getting them to sleep, throwing in a load of laundry, turning on the computer so that I could finish up what I couldn’t finish at the office, going to bed dead tired, and then waking up to do it all over again the next morning at 4, because leaving the office and getting home in time to do all of that was far more important to me than “quickly doing one last thing,” which would probably turn into a dozen “one last things” and I’d watch leaving 5 minutes late turn into two hours. And, you know, while my “picture of perfect,” from a younger age never involved all of that – “all of that” is pretty damn near perfect.

Fuck you for making me think that pictures I post of my kids are all a show – for planting a seed in my mind that they’re smiling for a camera and not because I’m there.

Fuck you for making me feel even guiltier about being in my band and for playing in the symphony.

Fuck you for making me think that I don’t pull my share.

Fuck you for taking what was a near perfect moment in my mind, and shitting all over it.

Fuck you for spewing your vitriol at Nichole’s blog.

Fuck you for making me write this post.

We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled boob talk and smiling next week, I promise
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28 Comments
  1. Yeah! Fuck you, anonymous! Grow a set and use your name, you cowardly troll!

    I’ve get some of that shit on my blog, too. It sucks, it stings and if I said it didn’t bother me, I’d be lying.

    You’re an awesome person and a devoted, loving father. Go hug your kids and forget about that asshole.

  2. People can be idiots. Ignore them…or tell them to fuck off, as you did quite eloquently!

  3. Jani permalink

    That’s right!!!!!!!! I personally look forward to the pictures you post of your children, they are beautiful and make me smile. Furthermore I believe those said children smile because amongst all the madness they have 2 parents that try to take life as it comes and use humor to navigate the terrain rather than bitterness and anger… Well said John!!!

  4. Lisa permalink

    Judgement comes from place of inadequacy. Don’t let them get the best of you.

  5. As someone who has met you IRL, I’ll vouch for your family commitment. With that said…

    You did NOT have to give that POS troll the satisfaction of knowing they got to you. You don’t have to justify your personal life to anyone but your family. I’m sorry you wasted your time and energy on some low life who has nothing better to do than stir the pot.

    So carry on… We know you work your ass off.

  6. Good for you. I only kinda sorta know you but this person must not know you at all. Screw’em, John. You know you’re none of those things. And your wife and kids also know that. Yeah, that makes me angry.

  7. Sometimes the internet provides too much anonymity.

  8. Jeez – people are assholes. You got too much going on to carry this around with you. fuck’em.

  9. Seriously? Fuck them. And forget them, too.

    Some tiny little speck of bitter humanity has no bearing on your life and what is obviously some pretty foxy parenting.

    As a self-professed expert on that topic, I ought to know.

  10. Kim permalink

    Best response. People like this make me sick. Their lives must be little & empty to leave comments like that. I agree, fuck ’em.

  11. It sucks to be personally attacked. It’s the shitty part about blogging, but we put ourselves out there. Keep on keeping on.

  12. I’m so sorry that someone sent you something that ugly. And I’m glad that you addressed the issue and told the troll exactly what you thought! Now, brush it off and don’t spend another thought on that idiot. That person isn’t worth it!

  13. I know you know.
    You know, right?

    That you don’t need to justify yourself to anyone.
    That the people who know you and love you know.

    But still. I’m sorry that someone took what should have been nothing but a lovely moment in your blogging life and gave you pause…

    Anonymous stole that from you. So he/she isn’t just a troll, but a thief.
    A thief of your joy.

    So take it back and move forward (now that you got your fucks out of the way. fuck yeah.)
    I look forward to your regularly scheduled boobage and smileage next week.

    XO

  14. That is so awful! I’m so, so sorry! You obviously are upset. People who do that are cowards.

  15. Don’t let it to get to you, John. I’m completely amazed sometimes at what people will post online where they have the veil of anonymity to hide behind and don’t have to see the hurt their words are causing.

  16. Apparently this person has no idea what the hell they are talking about. Obviously…or they wouldn’t have come across as “anonymous” Screw ’em..you yourself, along with everyone else who really knows you, knows that you’re a great father. Hell I know this and I’ve only been following you maybe a week!!

  17. What John said.
    Yep…he said it perfectly.

    You go with your bad self, my friend.

    • What I hate most about the troll is that it showed up on your blog, which is unfortunate on so many levels.

  18. That person is clearly an idiot – you can always tell by their inability to share their real name. You’re a fantastic dad and it’s obvious to anyone who reads your blog without a weird hate agenda.

  19. That’s just, I mean, sheesh, totally not cool. Listen to John you nasty troll, he means business and we’re all backing him up.

    • Thank you – it felt good just to get it off my chest. I think what I was most upset about was thinking it could have been someone I know . . . but, I know better than that. Glad to know I have the whole of the Internet backing me up, though 😉

  20. First time here….I like it a lot!
    It’s funny, I had the same experience with the anonymous commenter last week, and although I know that it’s not my issue, the insults don’t hurt any less. And really, any man who actually takes the time to document about life with his children is NOT a fraud… my first husband is the ultimate fraud so I can say this with the utmost certainty.

    • I don’t know what it says that you’re loving my blog on my profanity-infused rant . . . but welcome!

      Normally, I don’t use the f-word quite so much, but I talk a whole-lot-more about boobs. 🙂

  21. I’m sorry that happened.

    Your response? Is perfection.

    {But I’m still sorry that happened.}

  22. Dang trolls suck. You sound like a SUPER AWESOME dad to me! I do most of what you describe, and so does my hubs. So yeah I can tell you it’s exhausting and we deserve mad credit for all we do for our kids.

    Before I forget, fuck that fucking lame-ass commenter for making you feel like crap! You’re awesome. That is all.

  23. Going back to read this post again. I love how many times you say Fuck You. I big puffy heart it. xoxo

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